“One sees chaos in beautiful patterns  he doesn’t understand yet.” 

You look like everyone else, except you behave differently.  Because of your apparent physical normality and strange behavior, you’re avoided and because you cant explain what you feel, you’re misunderstood. 

Its like living in the same world, just different realities, seeing different images in the same patch of clouds, and neither of us can understand and explain what were seeing to each other.

I find it confusing why you find peace in movement & noise, solace in sameness & repetition when I am taught that progress is moving forward and calmness is in stillness & silence.

I want to understand but I know its difficult for you to explain.

 

There are many out there who are just like you but different.  From the typical stereotype, the socially awkward geniuses  to the opposite end of the spectrum, the intellectually disabled.  All with unique and special view of the world,  All with idiosyncrasy and similarities.

There is no definitive cause and cure. Although therapies help you feel that you fit in, understanding will help you feel that you belong

I know you don’t hate people, you just find it hard to interact with them.  You feel anxious when they are around you,  especially in a new place and unfamiliar faces

And how it makes you very nervous if somebody stares at you. 

When you flap your hands around and make strange noise, I know you are not doing this to annoy me ,this is something that helps you feel calm whenever you feel a strong overwhelming emotions, like when you are happy, excited, cold, anxious or in pain.

You may seem snobbish, but I know you are not.  Its just that you are more comfortable playing the games you love alone, like lining up and spinning your toys, playing with the keys and ropes, or solving puzzles over and over again.  

The way you express your interest is a bit different than mine, it is more focused, exaggerated and sometimes unrealistic. Like the time when you keep on talking about building a time machine so you could go back and buy VHS tapes and introduce your friend to Adam and Eve.

And how much you love to spin and jump. That you can play in the trampoline for hours.

Because of the way how our brain process sensory inputs ,we have different sensitivity to things, like how a moderate noise for me could be deafening to you, and how you can tolerate looking at colorful and bright things.

And how you like to play with things that overwhelm your senses, like the sand , mud and especially being under water.

Routines gives an order to your chaos, and how it gives you a sense of time.  Its shower time  when you see the end credits of Happy Feet and its sleeping time after eating apple and cheese.  It sounds silly, but this things help you predict what’s going to happen next, giving you a sense of time and control.

You prefer to wear the same clothes, eat the usual meals and be with the same people. It makes you feel secure and less anxious. 

Its hard when you’re having a meltdown.  You and I get those stares and glares from strangers.  you get usual label of a “misbehaving child”, while I am called the “terrible parent”.   These meltdowns happen when  we were not able to follow your preferred routine and you end up getting frustrated trying to express what you want and need. You get so anxious and confused that you end up crying, shouting,  and sometimes accidentally hurting  yourself and others.  

Don’t feel bad, Its okay I understand